Author: angelus2hot
Summary: Despite how in love they are with each other Buffy and Angel
keep letting each other go but this last time Angel decides enough is enough
and fights to keep her.
Rating: PG
Author Notes: Angel and Buffy are not mine. I’m just playing in Joss
Whedon’s sandbox. A couple of sentences were taken directly from the episodes.
**
The band played a popular love song as couples slowly moved across the
dance floor unknowing and uncaring that the slayer's heart lay in tatters at
her feet. As much as she hated to, she had to let him go. They were never meant
to be together, they couldn't be. He was a vampire, she was the slayer. They
were like oil and water, not mixy things. And even though he was the best thing
to ever come out of her freaky life she had to let him walk away.
Her feet felt like lead as she walked unwillingly towards the doorway
where Angel stood waiting for her. It was the longest walk she had ever taken
but it didn’t take long enough. Finally, she stopped in front of him. As their
eyes met, her breath caught in her throat. It was almost as if she was looking
at the other half of her soul, the part she hadn’t even known she was missing.
And she was about to give it up. But that was ridiculous. Wasn’t it? You couldn’t find your other half at sixteen years old. Could you?
She tilted her head back, reached up, wrapped her arms around his neck
and pulled his head down until their lips met. Fire crackled through her body,
flames licked at each molecule and still she held on. Oh God, she couldn’t let him go. She didn’t want to. As a matter of
fact it was the last thing she’d ever want to do but she didn’t have a choice.
She had to walk away from this. With one last lingering brush of her lips
against his she let go, turned and walked away hoping what was left of her
heart would come with her and not stay behind, with him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The mansion was cold even though a fire burned brightly in the fireplace.
Usually mundane things like temperature didn’t bother him. He didn’t feel the
heat or the cold but for some reason a chill crawled up his spine. That
couldn’t be a good sign.
A mere whisper of sound caught his attention and he turned towards the
doorway. Buffy. One look at her face and Angel knew whatever
she was going to say he wasn't going to like. The minute she had started to
speak about wanting to take a break he knew he was right. He didn't like it.
But he loved her and he would give her whatever she needed no matter how much
pain it caused him. And if that meant letting her go then that’s what he would
do. But before he could let her walk out of the door, there was one thing he
needed to know.
"You still my girl?"
"Always." She whispered before she turned to walk out of the
mansion and out of his life.
He wanted to run after her and tell her that they could face anything
as long as they did it together but somehow he managed to control the urge. He
sank to the floor, his head in his hands and let the pain wash over him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Tears fell unheeded down her cheeks, the pain cascaded over her,
leaving a broken shell where her heart used to be. "Angel, please don't
go."
"I'm sorry, Buffy." Every part of his body screamed at him to
take her in his arms and tell her that he would stay. But it wouldn't be the
right thing to do. At least not for her. She deserved someone who could take
her into the sunshine, a man who could give her everything that he couldn't. He
stomped down the jealousy that threatened at the thought of another man loving
his girl. She couldn't be his anymore no matter what his soul wanted. He didn't
have the right to claim her.
He wanted to kiss her tears away but that would accomplish nothing.
Without conscious thought, Angel reached out, captured a tear and brought it to
his lips.
The tender gesture from Angel brought on more tears. "Why?"
"Believe me, Buffy. This way is better. You don't need me. You can
move on with your life. Forget about me and find someone who's right for you.
You should have a real relationship, someone who can do all the things that a
girl wants to do. The things you want to do but can’t because of me. Buffy, I
promise this is the right thing for you. In the long run you will see this way
was better.”
Buffy eyes rounded in shock. Better for whom? Why would he think she would be able to move on without him? As
if she would even want to. This couldn't be the end. She had to do something,
anything to make him stay. "Angel, I love you." Her voice cracked
with tears as she spoke. It was the only thing she could think of to say but
that didn’t make it any less true.
Angel could see the pain that Buffy was in and it almost destroyed his
resolve. He turned away from her so she wouldn't see the answering tears in his
eyes. "I wish that I could love you the way you deserve to be loved but I
can't." Without saying another word he began to walk away.
"Angel!"
Angel ignored her and kept walking. He knew if he paused for even a
second he would give in. He had to leave now or he never would. For Buffy’s sake, he had to do what was
right.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It was Thanksgiving Day, and once again Angel was on the outside
looking in. He watched through the window as they all gathered around the table
to enjoy the feast that had been prepared for their consumption. He would give
anything to have the right to walk through that door and join them. To have Buffy look across the table at him
with a loving smile on her face and know he belonged. But he didn’t. He was
only back in Sunnydale to protect Buffy. And then he would return to his
lonely, barren existence in LA without her being any the wiser.
Although he was positive that Cordy and Doyle both would take exception
to what he was thinking, he couldn’t help the way he felt. Buffy was his, she
belonged to him, every fiber of his being knew this, accepted it. Even the
demon inside of him raised his head whenever she was near, sensing his mate. It
beat at him insistently, urging him to claim her and the consequences be
damned. It took every ounce of his
self-control to resist, again, but somehow he managed.
He knew it was time to go when Buffy flashed Xander a smile, the smile
that he should be receiving, and he wanted to rip the other man’s head off. With one last longing filled look at the
woman he loved but couldn’t have he turned and walked away, leaving Buffy to
get on with her life without him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“I don’t understand.”
Her tears were almost his undoing.
He wanted to run back to the Oracles, and tell them that he had made a
mistake, that being human for her, staying with her was more important than
anything or anyone else in the world. He wanted to offer them everything he had
to change him back but he couldn’t. Buffy’s life meant more to him than
anything. And if staying human meant that she would die sooner...he couldn’t be
responsible for that. She had to live no matter what the cost to himself. As
long as she was alive somewhere in the world, even if she wasn’t with him, then
he could survive the pain of losing her.
“I’m sorry, Buffy. I couldn’t stay human. It wasn’t worth your life.”
“Don’t you think I should get to decide that?” She hated the begging
tone in her voice but was unable to stop it.
“No. I don’t.” Of their own accord, his hands reached for her. “You
mean more to me than anything and my heart couldn’t take it if something
happened to you because of me.”
“Your heart? It’s not even beating.” She knew she was being childish,
lashing out at him in anger and hurt but she couldn’t seem to stop. More tears
spilled down her cheeks at the look of pain that crossed his face. “Take it
back. Tell them you’re sorry, that you made a mistake. Tell them to take it
back. Please, Angel. Take it back!”
He knew hurt caused her to speak harshly but it didn’t keep the pain
from knifing through his body at her words. Slowly, he pulled her unresisting
body close to his and wrapped his arms around her, offering her the comfort
that he couldn’t with words. “I can’t. It’s already too late. We only have a
minute left before the day starts over.”
“Oh. God. No.”
Angel kissed the top of her head, her soft, inviting lips and tightened
his arms around her trying to hold on to the woman he loved even as he felt her
slipping away. “Shhh, it’s okay.
Please. Don’t.” Tears slipped from his eyes as her anguished cries filled the
room.
Three minutes later he watched as she walked out of his door and out of
his life. Watching her walk out of his life was a physical pain; Angel closed
his eyes and leaned against his desk for support. If vampires have no heart
then why was his breaking?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Angel leaned against the nearest headstone listening as she explained
the reasons why she couldn’t be with him, or any other man, at the moment.
Something about cookies and that she wasn’t done baking; but he didn’t care why
she couldn’t make it work with anyone else. It only mattered to him why she
wouldn’t be with him. He wanted to tell her she was wrong, that they could make
it work but he didn’t. This was what she wanted and he had to make her happy.
He made a quick retort about not getting any older and turned to walk
away but stopped before he could get too far. No, this wasn’t going to happen. He wouldn’t walk away from her again
and there was no way in hell he was letting her walk out of his life this time
without one hell of a fight! With
determination in every step he turned around and walked after her.
She'd only taken two steps in the opposite direction before Angel
grabbed her by her arm and spun her around trapping her body against his.
"How can you give us up?"
Her eyes shimmered with tears as she stared up into his face.
"That's not what I'm doing. I just need a little time to..."
Angel quickly interrupted. "All I care about is you. The only
woman I've ever wanted is you.” Angel licked his lips as his arms tightened
into hard bands around her. “Besides I love cookie dough."
Despite herself Buffy couldn't help but smile. "Angel, I just
need..."
Once again Angel interrupted. "Yeah, time. But the thing is... I
can't let you walk away from me, not now, not ever again. We're not doing this.
Too many times one or the other of us has walked away from what we have and
it's not happening anymore."
Buffy felt her heart race at his words. "It's not?"
"No, it's not." Angel leaned his head down, his lips brushing
against hers, tender, teasing. "You know you want to stay." He
whispered against her mouth, his breath warmed her body in ways that she would
never understand not even if they were together for an eternity. His lips were
soft, inviting against hers, coaxing a response. "Come on, Buffy. Hold on
to me; don't let me go."
“I don’t want to let you go.” The admission was wrung from the depths
of her unresisting body.
“Then don’t.” He urged as his tongue teased at the corner of her mouth.
Finally, with a soft sigh of surrender, Buffy wrapped her arms around
his neck and gave herself up to the joy of Angel’s kiss. Tears of happiness burned beneath her closed
eyes. She was home, where she belonged, in Angel’s arms.
A growl sounded deep from within Angel’s chest as Buffy gave herself
into his keeping. This was what he wanted, needed, what he had been waiting
for. This time they were going to hold on to what they had with both hands and
they weren’t ever going to let go, no matter what.