Ecstasy Denied
Author: annegables
Set During Revelations and that great “workout session” Buffy and Angel
had!
PG – 13
Disclaimer: None of it belongs to me, thank God!
Written quickly for Chrislee who wrote a great fic that ended with Angel saying “this is what I can have”. Why was it always assumed that Angel could ever get that happy again? My apologies to all the great writers that would have finished this properly with some great smut! Anyone who wishes to continue this idea properly – please feel free.
**-
They acknowledged how their bodies recognized
each other as lovers. As if the very blood running in their veins longed
to merge and be one. The pull that usually is written about in books, and
dismissed as make believe, was rearing its head once again, and they both
sensed it. Slowly, they inched closer to one another, while keeping up
the moves that allowed them to feel each of their bodies calling out to the
other.
She had told Giles that Angel was helping her
to reach her “inner slayer” through tai chi. He had lifted his
eyebrows and wiped his glasses, of course. Because they had to have an
excuse for this addiction. To do this purposely would be...wrong.
“ Courting disaster “ as Giles would so delicately put the matter.
They swayed and drifted towards each other in a beautiful dance of love and
death. Closer and closer until their lips barely grazed, and then,
lightly touched. There was no decision made but a desperate embrace
followed within seconds.
The small sigh she breathed caused them both
to jump back. Almost as though neither had been aware of what they had
been doing. They looked at each other in shock, which swiftly
transformed to pain , and knowledge of what could not be. He reached out
his hand toward her, as if the feel of her skin would somehow dull the dreadful
ache inside that drew him to her. Their eyes followed his hand as it
lighted upon her face and slowly lingered around her neck. Her body
shivered as he touched her collarbone. He slowly traced back and forth
and leaned forward, both aware that he could smell her arousal. But he
reared back with surprise as he sensed the slight fear. The last
thing he wanted was for her to be afraid of him. Was it because he was
showing such attention to her neck? He carefully looked into her eyes
searching for a reason. Did she think he wanted to bite her?
Buffy quickly caught his hand in hers and
drew Angel towards her again.
“I know you don’t want to hurt me,
Angel. I am not afraid of you.”
“Then why am I sensing your fear?”
She could hear how perplexing this was to him
in his voice, along with the usual dose of guilt and gloom. How did nice
girls tell their vampire boyfriends that they were turned on by danger?
Likely they didn’t and it was just her Slayer side kicking in. That’s
when it hit her. Literally. The whole damn bugs bunny and road
runner picture above her head sort of epiphany. Angel was not happy,
though they had been about two seconds from hitting the sheets. Actually,
they would probably only have made it to the floor. Okay, the
important point here was that Angel had been sad. The direct opposite of
happy.
She looked up at Angel with such a giddy look
of relief that Angel looked around them to see what could be causing it.
Her giggle compelled him to look back at her in wonderment.
“Would you like to bite me, Angel?” Buffy
asked with a decidedly Slayerlike grin.
Angel stiffened in surprise and tried to pull
his hand from hers but she clamped down, reminding Angel of how strong she
could be when she put her mind to it. His mind went quite
blank as she reached out with her other hand and ran it down his chest and
towards his pants...what was going on?? He began to struggle in earnest
with her.
“Stop... Buffy. You know we
can’t. And I don’t want to bite you.” He stated this with force though he
did not know whom he was trying to convince. He well knew his dreams
often horrified him with how his wants were entwined with a bloodlust for
her. But that was not a side of lovemaking he wanted Buffy to know
about. That was strictly something Angelus delighted in parading through
his subconscious. Yes...that was all Angelus. He would not sully
her with his darker desires. She was his beautiful girl who just happened
to be the Slayer.
Her hand continued to move over him, though,
and he heard himself utter a deep groan. It was really too much.
And she did not seem moved at all by his attempts to be responsible.
“Angel” Buffy purred as she slowly brought
her body right up against him. She was starting to move over him like a
cat and he was trying to remember why exactly it was that he should stop this
incredible pleasure. “What if you did bite me and that kept you unhappy
enough that we could be together? One of Giles books showed vampires
biting each other and it seemed like it was kind of good.”
The thought that he would bring her down to
such a level nearly caused Angel to cry. This is what he had done to her
with his love. A Slayer asking him to bite her for pleasure was an
abomination. Shame coursed through his veins.
“Please, Angel.” She said it so softly
he could only hear because of what he was. She began to say it to him
pleadingly, over and over, as she kissed him. He could feel the
excitement coursing through her veins and he could smell her blood. And
he wanted to do what she asking so badly he was shaking. She was
right. He could never be truly happy doing this to her. She would
become addicted to him. She would need him until her dying day. But
he would never relinquish her to death unless it came to both of them
together. Desire was washing over him in waves and he could no longer
resist drowning. He slowly reached out and tilted her head. He ran
his lips softly over her neck and the demon within him began to rejoice.
He felt her arching her body towards him in expectation, and his soul began to
wail with grief.