Ecstasy Denied

Author:  annegables


Set During Revelations and that great “workout session” Buffy and Angel had!

PG – 13

Disclaimer:  None of it belongs to me, thank God!

Written quickly for Chrislee who wrote a great fic that ended with Angel saying “this is what I can have”.  Why was it always assumed that Angel could ever get that happy again?  My apologies to all the great writers that would have finished this properly with some great smut!  Anyone who wishes to continue this idea properly – please feel free.



They acknowledged how their bodies recognized each other as lovers.  As if the very blood running in their veins longed to merge and be one.  The pull that usually is written about in books, and dismissed as make believe, was rearing its head once again, and they both sensed it.  Slowly, they inched closer to one another, while keeping up the moves that allowed them to feel each of their bodies calling out to the other.  

She had told Giles that Angel was helping her to reach her “inner  slayer” through tai chi.  He had lifted his eyebrows and wiped his glasses, of course.  Because they had to have an excuse for this addiction.  To do this purposely would be...wrong.   “ Courting disaster “ as Giles would so delicately put the matter.   They swayed and drifted towards each other in a beautiful dance of love and death.  Closer and closer until their lips barely grazed, and then, lightly touched.  There was no decision made but a desperate embrace followed within seconds.

The small sigh she breathed caused them both to jump back.  Almost as though neither had been aware of what they had been doing.  They looked at each other in shock, which swiftly  transformed to pain , and knowledge of what could not be.  He reached out his hand toward her, as if the feel of her skin would somehow dull the dreadful ache inside that drew him to her.  Their eyes followed his hand as it lighted upon her face and slowly lingered around her neck.  Her body shivered as he touched her collarbone.  He slowly traced back and forth and leaned forward, both aware that he could smell her arousal.  But he reared back with surprise as he sensed the slight fear.   The last thing he wanted was for her to be afraid of him.  Was it because he was showing such attention to her neck?  He carefully looked into her eyes searching for a reason.  Did she think he wanted to bite her?

Buffy quickly caught his hand in hers and drew Angel towards her again. 

“I know you don’t want to hurt me, Angel.   I am not afraid of you.” 

“Then why am I sensing your fear?”

She could hear how perplexing this was to him in his voice, along with the usual dose of guilt and gloom.  How did nice girls tell their vampire boyfriends that they were turned on by danger?  Likely they didn’t and it was just her Slayer side kicking in.  That’s when it hit her.  Literally.  The whole damn bugs bunny and road runner picture above her head sort of epiphany.  Angel was not happy, though they had been about two seconds from hitting the sheets.  Actually, they would probably only have made it to the floor.   Okay, the important point here was that Angel had been sad.  The direct opposite of happy. 

She looked up at Angel with such a giddy look of relief that Angel looked around them to see what could be causing it.  Her giggle compelled him to look back at her in wonderment.

“Would you like to bite me, Angel?” Buffy asked with a decidedly Slayerlike grin.

Angel stiffened in surprise and tried to pull his hand from hers but she clamped down, reminding Angel of how strong she could be when she put her mind to it.    His mind went quite blank as she reached out with her other hand and ran it down his chest and towards his pants...what was going on??  He began to struggle in earnest with her.

“Stop... Buffy.   You know we can’t.  And I don’t want to bite you.” He stated this with force though he did not know whom he was trying to convince.  He well knew his dreams often horrified him with how  his wants were entwined with a bloodlust for her.  But that was not a side of lovemaking he wanted Buffy to know about.  That was strictly something Angelus delighted in parading through his subconscious.  Yes...that was all Angelus.  He would not sully her with his darker desires.  She was his beautiful girl who just happened to be the Slayer.

Her hand continued to move over him, though, and he heard himself utter a deep groan.  It was really too much.  And she did not seem moved at all by his attempts to be responsible. 

“Angel” Buffy purred as she slowly brought her body right up against him.  She was starting to move over him like a cat and he was trying to remember why exactly it was that he should stop this incredible pleasure.  “What if you did bite me and that kept you unhappy enough that we could be together?  One of Giles books showed vampires biting each other and it seemed like it was kind of good.”

The thought that he would bring her down to such a level nearly caused Angel to cry.  This is what he had done to her with his love.  A Slayer asking him to bite her for pleasure was an abomination.  Shame coursed through his veins.

“Please, Angel.”  She said it so softly he could only hear because of what he was.  She began to say it to him pleadingly, over and over, as she kissed him.  He could feel the excitement coursing through her veins and he could smell her blood.  And he wanted to do what she asking so badly he was shaking.  She was right.  He could never be truly happy doing this to her.  She would become addicted to him.  She would need him until her dying day.  But he would never relinquish her to death unless it came to both of them together.  Desire was washing over him in waves and he could no longer resist drowning.  He slowly reached out and tilted her head.  He ran his lips softly over her neck and the demon within him began to rejoice.  He felt her arching her body towards him in expectation, and his soul began to wail with grief.